Day Three

my mood began declining in april, after my best friend's mother died of cancer. i personally watched her descent into sickness for the past 4-5 years. near the end, i watched as she sat in a heated room, freezing to death, because her body temperature dropped, making her feel like she was naked in antarctica. we'd throw blankets and towels and socks and scarves and hats on her to keep her warm. nothing worked. i could see her soul slipping away from her body as God pulled it back, not ready for her to go to Heaven yet. for a month or so, it was just waiting for the inevitable. that became april 20th, 2005.

since then, i've begun another bout of depression. it's not severe, but definitely noticable & beginning to effect my day. i can't sleep through the night anymore. i feel tired & sluggish all the time. i have no patience for anyone who doesn't understand what i'm saying. i think all questions are stupid, and i wish people would be on the same thinking level as me. this is no way to go through life. i need to do something about it.

my search for a psychiatrist has been fruitless. i don't know what to do with myself.